what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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