I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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