Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
