ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
