You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
