we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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