she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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