There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
