walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
