Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
