I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
