My nipple is on Facebook.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ruined the universe
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
