If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
