he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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