i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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