i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
