I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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