the condom got lost in my hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
