Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
