Where did you get a picture of my penis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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