I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
