Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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