those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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