I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
