I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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