You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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