The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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