dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
