Non-Jews are for practice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
