End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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