: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
