"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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