i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
