kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
