The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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