I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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