I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
