Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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