carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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