I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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