Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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