I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize