i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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