smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
