this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're like the curious george of whores
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
