plz talk dirty to me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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