who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
