i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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