fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
