Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
